Melinda Lou, that can't be you in that coffin?

Lately I have attended far too many funerals, and have viewed far too many people that I have known,  yes I will say the word...in coffins. On several recent occasions as I would be paying my last respects to the earthly remains of a good friend, a family member would say, "Doesn't she/he look good"? What...what... O' Lord my hearing has finally gone South with other parts of my body cause I can't be hear'in this right, look good?  Why I can hardly recognize my friend and I just had tea with her last week!  What were you and your family possibly thinking? What is that tacky outfit that you picked out, bright orange and red is not her color!

Now Girls and Guys,  I know we all want to look our best and I personally totally intend on leaving a good looking corpse,  despite my age,  when I depart from this earth. Why I would not even think of leaving my house without my hair done and my proper face on, (that is properly applied makeup for you Northern Girls). However,  I do not believe that having a gallon of heavy cake makeup and a bucket of rouge applied to my face with a hairdo that I have never worn in my entire life, and an outfit that I absolutely would not be caught dead in is a proper look for my final appearance on this earth. Where do the Funeral Parlors find these make-up artists? Why my friend is already roll'in over in their grave and they hav'nt even made it there yet!

I am pleading with each and every living soul , especially all my fellow Southern Belle gal pals,  to sit down right now and take the time to write a Living Will and a Final Request as to exactly what you would like to have done with your earthly remains, which I am sure is not looking like a clown in the local circus,  unless of course you are a clown in the circus. I would suggest that at least every five years you have a good professional portrait done and keep a copy of it with your Living Will and Final Request,  as it is becoming quite obvious that we cannot count on or trust our own family members to properly remember what we looked liked long enough to get us in the grave after we have passed through this life. Hopefully someone will pass the photo along to the Funeral Parlor Director and their make-up artist. May I also suggest that you purchase an outfit that you absolutely love, place it in a garment bag and label it " to be worn at my final appearance (funeral)", because your loved ones are liable to have you dressed in a bright purple, red and green flowered chiffon nightmare. You may also want to make a final request of your hair stylist and find a good make-up artist! Guys, this is also for you because no self respecting Cowboy wants to be dressed up in a baby blue suit,  and no Southern Gentleman wants to be laid out in jeans and an old tee shirt, even if it was his favorite one!

Please friends and neighbors let's all do our best to leave a good looking corpse with proper makeup, hair, and hopefully wearing a proper outfit that we absolutely love so hopefully your friends and family will actually be able to recognise us as we lay in our coffins, and yes we will all be in one sometime in the future. Dear family members of loved ones, Please look twice and sincerely ask yourself, " is that what Aunt Bea, really looked like and would she really have picked out this bright purple, red, and green chiffon dress" ?

May I also speak directly on the concerns and issues of attending a funeral in proper attire. Being brought up in the South I was naturally instructed on the proper attire to wear to a funeral,  which is certainly not a skin tight red dress that sits just below my derriere and barley covers my breasts. And, yes I recently saw a young lady attend a family members funeral in this type of attire. Why I swear she looked just like she was auditioning for a strip club instead of attending a funeral! A proper dress or suit for a lady to wear to a funeral is one that falls at or below the knee and is of a dark color that actually covers your body. For gentleman proper attire would be a suit or slacks with a sport jacket, not dirty jeans and a ragged tee shirt. Who are you showing your respect to, the person on the street corner or your friend or loved one in the coffin?
As for me, I am off to have a portrait done then off to Nieman Marcus for an outfit that I will absolutely fall in love with. Now where did I place that paper and ink pen to write that Living Will and Final Request?

Melinda Lou, now honey try not to roll over too much in your grave why you just might rip that new lovely bright orange and  red rayon dress that your family bought for you and mess up that helmet hairdo. I'll be see'in you.